Life is a cannibal: it eats you alive

I swear, they should give warnings about the hazards of life. The problem is, your parents can't really ask you if you want to be conceived or not. Because, you're nothing. You're not even a fetus. You're an egg in one person and a sperm in another. You're nothing. You can't think, you can't feel, you're nothing. So, this causes a dilemma. You can't be asked whether or not you want life, your parents just have to have you and hope you like it. Am I making sense? I guess your parents have to raise you to appreciate life. Lordy what a task that is. Life isn't always a pretty picture and how it sucks to discover how tough it is. It really isn't tough for awhile though, your parents worry about the difficulties. Yet, at any rate, everyone wishes for an end to misery at some point. Most however (hopefully), aren't seen through. But everyone has something to live for: some aspect of life that makes all the shit in the fan worth it.

Believe it or not, there is a reason you're alive. Everyone's good at something, and everyone has some impact on the world. Whether your impact is minuscule or catastrophically large, you've had a purpose. Okay, enough of my motivational pep talks. They're bumming me out.

Have you ever felt so lost and so alone?

It's weird. I'm not alone by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not lost. I know exactly where and who I am. I know what I want, and I know what I have. So, why should I be lost and confused? Answer: I shouldn't be. If you've ever wanted something like I want something, you'll know why.

I took a personality test for a paper I had to write for my pathways class. The personality test hit me dead on as an idealist. How do I know the personality test got it right? It said something that, I feel, describes me better than I could imagine. Three words. Three simple words that sum up why I'm lost and alone: Yearns for love.

That's it. I yearn for love. Yes, I am loved. I'm loved by my parents, my sister (I think), my friends, my family, possibly even my teachers. So, why do I yearn to be loved? Well, it's a different kind of love I yearn for. I yearn for someone. I want someone to LOVE, and who'll love me. Kind of like your modern day fairy tale. Everyone wants love. Yet, so few are blessed enough to find it. Why should I be any different?

Well, for one, I'm only 14. When I see the number, I really feel like I'm too young to be eager for love. But, when I don't see the number, it's something else entirely. Age shouldn't matter. I know I'm young. At the same time, I can't help feeling old. I think I'm just more mature than most people are at my age. I guess part of it is seeing the relationships around me.

My parents. They're not lovebirds, but they love each other. They're not embarrassing about love, but I can see it anyway.

My friends. Moriah and Kevin really. Goodness gracious. If there were a word for "so hopelessly in love," it would be made for them. I really think they're going to get married someday.

I don't know. Just, part of it is never having experienced any kind of love. (Besides familial and friendly love that is.) I've never been kissed and have never dated anyone. I've never been in a relationship. I've never been asked out, and never dumped. I've never had my heart broken, but I've never had it complete either.

This is why I yearn for love. Love is all around me. Is it my fault I can't help but want to experience some of it?